In November 2017, I began walking a long road of sanctification, beginning with the exposure of my sin and followed by years of suffering the consequences. I struggled with alcohol – and will likely always struggle, apart from Christ’s strength – and was very far from Christ. As my sin was revealed, I was vulnerable and exposed with no armor or walls to protect me. The people around me had the power to either cut and scar me with their words or to clothe me with the same grace that God has given us. My shame was covered as they led me back to the feet of Christ.  

My wife and I prayed that God would take the reins and lead us down this road of suffering.  We knew that apart from Him we could not make it and that He was more than faithful. He protected us, provided for us, and encouraged us. Yet even though we had God, our suffering left us just as vulnerable and exposed as when my sin was revealed. We were sometimes wounded by comments and questions from people we trusted, even though they came with good intentions.   

How can we respond in grace to someone that is opening up about their sin or suffering? Thankfully, we have the perfect example in Jesus Christ. We can strive to respond the way he responded to those who were broken. In Colossians, Paul writes about putting on our new self that is found in Christ. “So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience” – Colossians 3:12. 

In this verse, Paul gives five attributes that we are to put on. These attributes show the character of Christ and give us a solid foundation for responding correctly.

Compassion

Compassion allows us to take a step back and look at others through the eyes of Christ. In compassion, we see them and their struggles as he does. Jesus loves us through our sin and suffering. You may not be able to fully relate to the situation that your friend is sharing with you, but the beautiful part is that you don’t have to. Whether someone is trapped in sin or in the midst of suffering, through the Holy Spirit we are able to meet them where they are and love them.  

Kindness

Kindness is selflessly and compassionately loving others. Kindness calls us to step out of our own interests and go out of our way to help those in need. When someone is suffering or struggling with sin we must be willing to walk along with them. This could be as simple as a daily or weekly phone call to check in, or it could mean spending hours each week in conversation and prayer with them. It means doing this selflessly, expecting nothing in return except to celebrate God’s goodness as He sanctifies us.

Humility

Humility, like compassion, does not require you to relate to the person’s sin or suffering. It means reminding yourself that God sees sin as sin, and that you have your own sins. This allows us to put ourselves on the same level as others; regardless of struggles, we are no better than anyone else. This is especially important when one is bringing to light a sin struggle. They need someone to respond with the same grace that Jesus has extended to us. 

Gentleness

Gentleness means loving others from a place of humility.  In John 8:1-11, Jesus demonstrates gentleness towards the woman caught in adultery when he says, “He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” He humbles the Pharisees by revealing that they are just as much a sinner as she is. With gentleness, we acknowledge where one may be and respond in a manner that is humble and free of judgment.  

Patience

Patience means waiting on God’s perfect timing and trusting in His sovereignty over sanctification.  When someone begins to open up about a sin in their life, we must remember that what we see first is the fruit. It takes time to get to the root cause beneath that fruit. It requires asking questions, giving them time to work through the questions, and following up with more questions to help them dig deeper to find the root. When someone comes to us in suffering, we must remind ourselves that God is bringing them through this period of time. We have the privilege to walk alongside them in prayer, regardless of the length of time, and keep our eyes fixed on God’s Word.

We are not expected to have all the answers for someone who is walking through sin or suffering. If we try to answer all their questions, we will usually fail and potentially wound or scar them. But because we are in Christ, we can put on these attributes—compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. We can meet others where they are, walk alongside them in biblical truth and prayer, trusting God to use the process to sanctify our friend and ourselves.